. . . terrors

[King Joscelin Brent]

Joscelin couldn't sleep . . . no, not whilst dreams of Solraya ablaze continued to plague him at night. It had been the same dream for over a fortnight now, and each time Joscelin had awakened to find himself in a sheen of sweat and with an ache that tightened over his heart. Each time he had left his bed, leaving Danielle undisturbed, as he sought out his study. It was there that Joscelin spent his nights with spirits to soothe his soul and the hearth to warm his body. It was there where he thought hard upon his dreams and the outcome of all his decisions thus far, even those he had yet to make.

It was these times that Joscelin had wished that his father yet still lived.

There was always Danielle, yes, and she was more than willing to offer her comfort, support, and opinion on matters, but she was not schooled in the art of war. Joscelin, however, had learned somewhat of warfare, but he had yet to test his mettle in the baptism of fire that was true combat. Sparring with his instructor in his youth and others as he had grown older was far from the grit of actual battle, nor was studying tacticians of Solraya's former military commanders. He had never ridden in the ranks, commanded men to charge headlong into battle, or tested his wit against that of another. As it stood, King Andrew of Tyrian had an advantage when it came to experience, and while Joscelin could rely on his commanders, Joscelin refused to sit upon the throne whilst men died in his name.

. . . and yet, Joscelin's hands were tied.

Solraya simply didn't have the numbers that King Andrew had, and his raiding tactics were pecking away at Solraya's resources slowly but surely. The morale of Solraya's citizens was steadily dropping no matter whether or not Joscelin assured that they would have security, and it seemed that no matter what he did, it never seemed to be enough. Joscelin added more numbers to the border patrols and still there were raids, and a constant stream of men and women who came to court to report such in tears, frustration, and anger. The worst had been a torrent of curses that had been lashed out at Joscelin because of a man's kidnapped daughter, and all Joscelin could do was offer his deepest apologies, and that he would do all that he can to retrieve his child, but when would that come to pass?

The people had begun to doubt him, and Joscelin had begun to doubt himself as well.

"What did you see in me when you first found me?" He asked of the hearth, but the only answer was the fire, whispering in return. Idly he wondered what his father would have told him, and what of his lady mother . . . ? It had hurt before when he had learned that he was not legitimately theirs, but now it hurt far more. It had stung him to the depths and to the point that tears came to his eyes. Once more he couldn't help but wonder how the citizens of Solraya would react to knowing the truth.

Would they dethrone him?

It was a secret to never be spoken. It was a secret that would be taken to the grave, and it already was by his father and mother. Yet, still, what if somehow the knowledge became public? What if someone learned of it? What then? He shoved the thoughts out of his mind, and his thoughts fell to the Teeth where he had been found.

What would his true family have thought of him?

He would have been a wildling. He would have learned how to survive the harsher clime of the Teeth and he would have been a warrior amongst them. Instead, he had become a King, but the blood was still there. It beat in his veins, loud and clear, and beckoning him to combat. Mayhap he had to abandon his father's teachings and embrace the blood that was his and his alone. Mayhap he had to meet King Andrew in open combat, slit his throat with his own hand, and show once and for all that he was the Defender of the Realm.

He drank deep, savored the heat deep within his chest, and sighed.

There were possibilities that still needed to be weighed, considered, and thought through. There was so much to do, and still, Joscelin wished he had someone to turn to that had all of the answers. Yet, this was life, and Joscelin knew it could be cruel, hard, and harsh. He had to find the answers on his own, and when he did, he would save Solraya.