These Moments of Solace // open

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A crisp spring day had brought Sol to its knees in apparent warmth, and yet though this was Sabeen’s third witnessing of a Solrayan spring it still chilled her to the very core. Never, she thought, would she ever consider these chills to be anything less than torment. The anguish of losing her entire family still burnt deep within but the embers filled her with neither the Arabian warmth she craved nor extinguished the fire of grief she still carried alight. She felt empty, and so utterly alone. All that she held dear now were fond memories and her undying faith in the god she so utterly believed had a reason for all of this. Some higher understanding and purpose.

She, Sabeen, must have been given a purpose, surely? Why else would He have spared her life and not, say, that of her eldest brother, Daniel? She had retraced the familiar footsteps in her mind over the same questions time and time again, and still they led her here, to Sol Cathedral. It felt as icy as the world outside, but never did she lose hope that some answers might be found beneath its high, vaulted ceiling. And besides, she had few other places to spend her time but in ever hopeful prayer and soul searching. She never had found out what had come of her next eldest brother, Midian. A minute part of her still hoped and prayed that he was well, and married, and with children; as should she be. Alas. Those dreams were scuppered. Scuppered by a petty squabble over whose god was the right one!

“Damnit!” Sabeen cried, her thoughts inadvertently escaping her lips. She held back anguished tears and dropped her eyes to the flagstones beneath her feet. Shamed by her outburst in a house of God. This was proving to be an off day, even for her. All that she wished for was to be back in the Holy Land surrounded by those she cared for – Solraya currently held nothing for her, and so dearly she yearned that it would.

[Isolde]

-- Isolde felt compelled to go to church. She figured she might as well do something to try to make up for her sins. It also gave her a time to reflect and think about herself. She didn't know what she would do if she didn't go to church. Her mother had always insisted upon them going. Isolde accepted the long services and found ways to occupy herself should she get bored. She had always been very into her faith. She glanced around her at the other's who had gathered in the church for service. Everyone was in various states of prayer and thought. There were a few familiar face. She always realized how many people there actually were in the village. She tended to just stay within her group although she was outgoing. Isolde didn't really feel the need to meet many new people. They always asked questions and she really hated lying to people about her true past. She was happy with her new life and she wouldn't let anything ruin it.

-- She always begged forgiveness from God for the sins she had committed. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think of them and regretted them. Everything happened for a reason though, and it had obviously been intended for her from the start. Everyone had a plan laid out for them. She didn't like to question things but she couldn't help but wonder why exactly it had happened to her. Isolde always thought that it had really saved her. She had hated court and everything that came along with it. Had she not ran away she would still be trapped under her father's thumb and no doubt married to some rich lord who she didn't love and who most certainly did not love her. She wondered who he had married her sister off to. Since he could no longer use Isolde for power he would use his second best weapon. Her brother wouldn't be any problem. He always followed her father around like a lost puppy. Isolde had never been that foolish.

-- Just then her thoughts were interrupted by a loud curse coming from a woman a couple spaces down from here. There wasn't anyone in between them and Isolde quickly looked in the woman's direction and tried, although rather unsuccessfully, to suppress her giggles. So not everyone here today was completely focused on praying. She could tell the girl was embarrassed and clearly shook up by her outburst. Isolde tried to slide as close to the woman as she could without being odd. "I know exactly how you feel." She assured her, offering her a warm smile, trying not to draw attention to them. People frowned upon talking during service, and Isolde had always been one of the worst offenders. She had been doing well...up until today that is.

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It was with a sharp tinge of shame that Sabeen roughly wiped her eyes on the back of her course, linen sleeve. Once upon a time it would have been smeared with the heavy kohl she used to apply, but now it just hung limply with her tears. She knew she shouldn’t have to wipe away her emotions – they were justifiable after all that she had been through – but Sabeen refused to be weak, not now, not after surviving the worst of it. Surely the best had yet to come?

That was what she clung to in any case. She had to, for her own sanity. With little else but her faith to console her, she knew she would have nothing – half the reason she spent so much time in Sol Cathedral. Part of her recognised aspects of the architecture and ornamentation here that struck a chord with her homeland too; perhaps that was why she felt so at home here, in the holiest of places.

As she began to collect herself, however, Sabeen was suddenly aware of a prickling sensation in the back of her neck, the same curious sensation that she felt when someone’s eyes were upon her. Out of the corner of her eye she caught another woman having slipped closer to her along the same worn, wooden bench she was sat upon; was peace in a holy place such a difficult thing to ask for? Something about the woman’s manner irked her, and yet she remained a respectable distance, just close enough to utter out a sentence for only Sabeen to hear. As soon as the words left her lips, however, Sabeen shot her a piercing look. How? How in God’s name could this girl presume to know how she felt?

“You have no idea how I feel.” Sabeen returned shortly in hushed anger, dropping her eyes back to the flagstones. She did not mean to come across as aggressive and dearly hoped that she hadn’t, especially as the blonde’s smile seemed so warm and genuine, but she could not see how a complete stranger who knew nothing of her history could even begin to tell Sabeen how she felt.

[Isolde]

-- Isolde hoped she hadn't been too forward. She really had no idea who the woman was. Maybe she ought to just keep to herself more. Her thoughts were confirmed when the woman snapped at her. "I may not, but there is no need to be short with me!" Isolde snapped back harshly, her eyes narrowing. She twisted her head back around to the front and aimed her eyes at the ground with ferocity. She had just been trying to be polite! Isolde had only implied she knew how the woman felt by her outburst. She herself felt like screaming out against her nagging thoughts and angry feelings towards more things than one. Some people were just so rude. Then she felt bad. Maybe the girl had a reason to be so short. It was true though, Isolde really didn't have any idea how the other felt. Should she apologize? Isolde hadn't exactly reacted in the best manner either. No, she would not. That would only give the woman more reason to be angry at her for no reason. Isolde didn't want to get yelled at again, or give the impression she was weak and soft. She always stood up for herself - no one would intimidate or scare her.

-- That wasn't always the case, however. As a small child Isolde had been rather scared of everything until one day she had had enough of her brother scaring her and being mean to her. From that point on she had become daring and bold. Sometimes she wished she would've kept some of the reservedness she had as a child. How many times had she been scolded for not holding her tongue? Far too many times to count. There was no turning back now. She was who she was because of her past. Isolde wondered who she would be and how she would act had she not ran away from home. Surely she would be a social outcast. There really had been no other choice. And if anyone had a reason to be bitter it was Isolde. But never had she, unlike the woman beside her, taken her anger or inner frustrations out on anyone else. No one would ever know her secrets or how she truly felt.

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Sabeen wondered if she had been too blunt almost as soon as the words had left her lips. She hadn’t meant to express herself so abruptly – after all, the woman had said nothing out of the question, and in a perfectly pleasant manner too – but over the last two years she had found herself socialising less and less. Clearly losing grasp on her tongue was becoming a by-product.

She regretted it instantly but felt any words of apology die in her throat with the harsh counter she was issued with. Sabeen supposed she deserved it though, even if a small well of anger bubbled in the pit of her stomach as she stared fiercely at the cold stone beneath her feet. She felt galled that someone had the audacity to say they understood how she felt, and then tell her off for standing her ground. Despite this, she was all too aware that she shouldn’t be turning away even the slightest of compassionate gestures, she knew so few people in Solraya, even fewer whom she could truly call a friend. She swallowed slightly.

“I am sorry.” Sabeen uttered quietly, not lifting her eyes; whether from shame or defiance she wasn’t yet sure. She felt reluctant to say any more during service, especially as the pair of them had hardly got off to the best start; the last thing she wanted was to be thrown from one of the few places she held to close to her heart. And yet still a nagging in her heart told her to say more, even if it went against her mind’s better judgement. “Forgive me. I do not feel myself this morning.” She added as a hushed afterthought.

[Isolde]

-- Isolde kept her eyes firmly locked on the floor. She had no reason to apologize for she had done nothing wrong besides stand up for herself and hold her ground. She had just been trying to be nice and lighten the girl's obvious distress about having a moment. What had given the girl reason to be so harsh so quickly? Maybe she shouldn't judge so quickly. Isolde knew how bitter and reserved she had been when she had first made Solraya her home. She hadn't trusted anyone and mainly kept to herself. In her mind, everyone had been out to get her and would spread rumors about her whenever they were given the chance. Over the years she had trusted the people in the village and found them to be very nice and kind. Isolde was overjoyed to have a true home in Solraya. Maybe the girl had just arrived here as well? Perhaps she just needed someone to show her kindness.

-- Isolde was surprised to hear the woman beside her murmur her apologies. She glanced out the corner of her eye but the woman hadn't looked up from the floor either. She was about to assure the woman no harm had been done, when she continued to speak. Isolde smiled, although it would go unseen. "All is forgiven." Her tone was warm and soft. Isolde realized that the service was drawing to a close and she wondered what she would say to the woman. Would an offer to join her for a drink at the pub? She never kept any ale at home. On her darkest days it offered a quick release that would be regretted in the morning. Isolde waited patiently as the service ended and everyone raised their eyes and heads, standing up to stretch and exit the stuffy cathedral. "I owe you an apology too. And I must offer if you don't have any plans, perhaps you'd like to join me for a nice drink at the pub?" Isolde offered, hoping the woman would accept.

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It was with a lighter heart that Sabeen found herself able to glance sideways at the woman sat just along from her. She knew that an apology for an apology was simple courtesy but she hadn’t actually been expecting it; perhaps because, deep down, Sabeen knew that she had been in the wrong. She had, hadn’t she? A lady did not lose her temper – not with a man nor with a woman – and certainly not a lady of noble birth. Those origins felt like a long way away from her now though, no amount of grasping or snatching at the past would ever restore her to the young countess she had once been.

Lamentable though it was, Sabeen had learnt to adjust to what she had, and even the smallest of kindnesses were now something that she couldn’t afford to pass by. She gingerly risked the tiniest of grateful smiles to her neighbour as the service gradually came to a close. Others were already beginning to file out whilst she numbly sat there though, so she roughly wiped her eyes again before quietly clearing her throat as a way of striking up the courage to enter into a conversation. It wasn’t that she lacked the confidence or social skills; they had just somewhat wasted away over the past two years.

Sabeen paused though, having been about to open her mouth. The pub? A drink of any real substance hadn’t passed her lips in the same length of time. God knows what would tumble from her lips if it went straight to her head... Could she go? Really? It didn’t strike her as a sensible idea in the slightest... But... She sighed inaudibly. She could do this. It would get her out of her low mood and into higher spirits. Perhaps. After all, what harm could it really do? The girl’s tone was anything but harsh, surely Sabeen could place her trust in her... She nodded. She had enough loose coins in her scant pocket. She could afford one drink.

“That would be nice,” Sabeen replied, hoping the hesitation that was coursing through her veins wasn’t too perceptible, something she doubted as her accent shook. “Although, I have never been to any here,” she admitted quietly as she stood up, delicately stretching the aches from her limbs as an apprehensive smile caught her lips, “my name is Sabeen, by the way.”

[Isolde]

-- Isolde hoped she had smoothed things over with the woman. It was simply her nature to try to make people feel comfortable and at ease. She never meant to upset anyone. Although she tried not to get too close to anyone, she was very caring and loyal. Those very traits had been her downfall in court. Now she could see what had happened to her as a blessing - it had been the reason for escape she had been looking for her whole life. Now she was happier than she ever had been and ever would be. Never would she go back to the life she once had or her family. As much as that pained her she just couldn't. They had turned their backs on her when she needed them the most. Had they even tried looking for her? So many questions ran through her mind. But she had to push them to the furthest recesses of her mind.

-- Her mind was put at ease when she saw the faintest of smiles on the woman's face. The service drew to a close and Isolde watched as others filed out. It was best just to wait as to not get caught up in the crowd. The other didn't look as if she was in too much of a hurry to leave either. Isolde couldn't help but smile as her offer was accepted. "Good!" She tried to keep her voice low and soft. There were still others here finishing their own prayers and thoughts. She wouldn't want to disturb them. Isolde wished she had family to pray for or to know someone was praying for her. Not that it really mattered. The only person she would ever be able to rely on was herself. No one would watch out for her when it came right down to it.

-- "Not to worry. Everyone is very nice and welcoming here. You won't find any trouble so long as you're with me." She spoke in a playful tone. "Nice to meet you. I'm Isolde." She introduced herself warmly, hoping to put Sabeen at ease. She did seem rather nervous. Not that she blamed her. Isolde knew how it was to be the new person in town. It had taken her a long time to even speak a few words to someone, let alone go to the pub and try to make friends. Now she was a whole different person. Her outgoing nature had surfaced once again and she felt privileged to be one of the people who approached a newcomer with open arms and a warm smile. She stood up and smoothed out her skirts. "Let's head on over before it gets too crowded." Isolde said, waiting for Sabeen to follow her.

ooc;; want to continue this in the pub? (: